How we handle conflict

Positions are shaped by individuals’ background, values, goals, and context. Conflict is the product of unacknowledged differences in background, unspoken or poorly aligned values, lack of commitment to shared goals, or uneven context. As long as there is a foundation of respect and active listening, differences of opinion can usually be stack-traced to one of these layers.

Tactically, this means:

Agree about what we’re disagreeing on (“say it back”) Check that we’re relying on the same data and assumptions Ensure we’re equally committed to solving the problem at hand (and that we define it the same way) Usually the source of conflict is diagnosed by step 3, but sometimes:

Identify the values at stake in a decision and how we prioritize them Reflect on personal experiences that might be coming into play, and share if comfortable/appropriate If there’s still a disagreement after running the stack-trace, it’s usually been depersonalized by the process and is easier to reach the point of “disagree and commit.”